Around The Ruins...

The Sons of the Forge were caught boasting of finding three of the lost armors of that metal genius Arnold Perrison. As with all dwarf tales told over ale, this may be an embellishment.

Hestor Brimstone, of the Blackpowder Irregulars, reports his map of the ruins of Mordheim was stolen from the cart he left it in. He suspects greenskins. He asks if you have any information to contact him at the Pickled Fish Inn.

Hannibal of the Dogs of War has been overheard telling other sellswords to watch out when his friend comes to town. Of who could he be refering?

ATTENTION ALL SHORT AND SASSY LADIES! Are you tired of the drudgery of housework. Are you tired of always doing what a man tells you to do. Do you yearn for adventure, excitement, to drive an axe into the skull of your enemies and watch as their brains leak out like soppy pudding! If so, then come join Marta Sheildbreaker and her  Valkyries at the Angry Boar and Pretty Pony Tavern.

Gob’zilla the ork shamen is offering magic chicken bones for sale. Guaranteed to protect you from crossbows. Only 2gc.

Punchenstein wants to know how many merchants do I have to punch to get a sodden wyrdstone amulet

HUNT FOR THE CORPSE GUIDE!

And with one proclamation, every sellsword and cutthroat stormed the ruins searching for Stillwell.

There was no shortage of people eager to earn back the money he conned them out of. For those of you new to the ruins, Stillwell would sell the location of an “exclusive and un-looted” corpse for a small fee. Unfortunately, he sold this same information to many parties who would then fight each other while Stillwell escaped with his earnings.

After the latest batch of complaints, the Town Watch issued a reward for his capture. They were curious as to where all the corpses were coming from. Many dark rumors abound.

Most warbands failed to find him, each believing the other helped Stillwell escape. Mistrust and accusatuions quickly spread to bloodshed. The most dramatic being when the Blackpowder Irregulars and VonBoer clan managed to drive off the Ax Gang.  Greta VonBaer threw the former leader of the Ax Gang off a roof for laughing at the hairy mole on her face.

Unable to reach any of his safe spots, Stillwell was spotted by the Bridge Fountain near the Merchant’s Quarter.

Originally commisioned by Klaus Stephens, the Bridge Fountain was one of Mordheim’s minor marvels. Klaus was an engineer, University of Nuln ‘05, who specialized in bridges. Loved them so much, he had a bridge built over a fountain.

Cornered by the  Valkries, Sons of the Forge, the Bareknuckle Boyz, and the Dogs of War, Stillwell ran for the safety of the Bridge Fountain.

“I don’t understand why he thought the Bridge Fountain would hide him. It is just some planks going over a pool,” said Hannibal of the Dogs of War, “It’s not even covered.”

The Valkries were the first to find Stillwell. When he ran, they followed shooting and chopping at his heels.

“Slippery than a goblin and tougher than a rock troll,” said Marta Sheildbreaker. “Our weapons would bounce off him and he’d run. Something was not right. Sure if the weapons were made by men, they’d fail. But these were dwarf weapons.”

The Valkries soon found their efforts hindered by the Dogs of War. Distracted by the crack shots of Deadeye and Hawkeye, the Valkries lost Stillwell.

The Sons of the Forge, hidding in ambush were the first to see the true threat to anyone claiming the reward...The Bareknuckle Boyz.

Racing across the plaza, the Sons of the Forge tried to stop those nasty greenskins.

“I tried to shoot them but one of them kept throwing some kind of bones in the air. It was very distracting.”

Rushing into the plaza, the Bareknuckle Boyz encircled the Valkries, who incidentally had managed to catch up to Stillwell. In a pugilistic storm, two lovely ladies were down. Then the Mob chased down Stillwell and cut him down. They just as quickly ran off with his corpse.

Though one wonders why the Town Watch even paid the reward to Orks.

The Townwatch warns Stillwell "The Corpse Guide" Shepardson is up to his old tricks.

The Captain of the Townwatch warned all citizens and sellswords today to be careful of Stillwell Shepardson. More commonly known as the Corpse Guide, Stillwell would sell the location of an undisturbed corpse to multiple persons. Each would think they were the only to know of this corpse with pockets still lined with treasure and wyrdstone until the others showed up. The Captain cited complaints from the Sons of the Forge, the Valkries, the Dogs of War, and the Black Lotus Eaters.

Marta Sheildbreaker, leader of the Valkries, tells of her own encounter the Corpse Guide.

"We we're at the Drunken Pidgeon pub, when up creeps this rail thin humie. Dressed in rags, stank like sawdust, and a broken sounding voice. He looks me in the eye and tells me he has found a corpse, a former merchant, with all his equipment. I sent him away till he said the corpse was of an IRON merchant. Still had ore on him, and Stillwell had no use for it. Would gladly share the location with us for a small fee."

"When we get to the location Stillwell said the corpse was , we find the Sons of the Forge already there. It was then I realized Stillwell had tricked us. We were about to leave, when Ailissa spotted Blade the trollslayer. That son of a bitch left my second cousin at the altar the night before her wedding. That was not going to stand. We Valkries stormed the building the Dogs of War were hold up in. In hindsight it was a foolish plan. We were so focused on Blade that we failed to notice the thunderer in the upstairs window. Shot after shot rang true. I tell you, whoever their engineer is, he is one of the best I've ever seen."

Hannibal the Marianburger, leader of the Dogs of War (known for not only slashing his enemies but his prices) reports also being tricked by Stillwell.

"He approached us claiming to know of the location of Brandon Bresstlewaist undisturbed corpse. For a small fee he would reveal the location, and we would be free to extract all those marvelous gold teeth Bresstlewaist use to flaunt around the camps. I rounded up my fellow associates and we headed out."

 "Only we were not the only ones he sold this information to. Greenskins had beaten us to the corpse. Rallying my men with curses and obscenities about Stillwell, we ambushed those orks. We might have lost too, had they not been too busy fighting amongst themselves and forgetting how to use ladders. Though their leader was something else...dancing around and punching at the air. Had a giant blade tied to each hand."

Could this greenskin be the infamous pitfighter Punchenstein, who in a frenzied bloodlust fought and ate an entire troll.

Annual Pie Contest ruined by Greenskins

The annual "A Slice of the Ruins" pie baking contest ran into more problems than too little filling this past week.

Littlebelt Crookshanks, resident halfling and one of the pie-tasting judges, elaborates. "I had just worked my way from the mincemeats to the strawberries when Bootstrap started yelling." (Hamlin "Bootstrap" Longstrides, proprietor of the first and only shoe leather soup shop.)
" I turned and thundering through the midmass and pot pies was a band of Orcs. They looked scared. Like they were running from something because they did not bother to eat any of the pies. What civilized person turns down pie."

The Slice of the Ruins pie contest has been rescheduled for a later date. The Town Watch declined to comment.